From the phone

Just got fired from work. apparently I missunderstood my boss when she said she likes to see me hard at work…

A man wears the pants in a relationship, but the woman controls the zipper
I always sleep naked. It’s just more comfortable
This stewardess can fuck off. I don’t care if there are young children on the plane.
When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left.
I don’t want to intimidate her with the competition right away.
So I’m in a bar, trying to undress this woman with my eyes…

and I got my lashes caught in her zipper
I’ve just been sent to prison so I won’t be having sex for a few months..’I hope.
I was doing my girlfriend doggy style when she farted. I just smiled, slapped her ass and said „Hush little one, you’re next“.
Isn’t it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?
Just saw the neighbor’s little kid trying to spray whipped cream on his pet cat. I’m thinking he overheard something last night he wasn’t supposed to.
Scotland where the word *fucking* is used as a comma


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