From the phone

Just got fired from work. apparently I missunderstood my boss when she said she likes to see me hard at work…

***
A man wears the pants in a relationship, but the woman controls the zipper
***
I always sleep naked. It’s just more comfortable
This stewardess can fuck off. I don’t care if there are young children on the plane.
***
When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left.
I don’t want to intimidate her with the competition right away.
***
So I’m in a bar, trying to undress this woman with my eyes…

and I got my lashes caught in her zipper
***
I’ve just been sent to prison so I won’t be having sex for a few months..’I hope.
***
I was doing my girlfriend doggy style when she farted. I just smiled, slapped her ass and said „Hush little one, you’re next“.
***
Isn’t it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?
***
Just saw the neighbor’s little kid trying to spray whipped cream on his pet cat. I’m thinking he overheard something last night he wasn’t supposed to.
***
Scotland where the word *fucking* is used as a comma

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